(wrote this @ work)
..Through my eyes..


It’s been a long day
seems like its been a long way.
Still I can see the picture
this is all so real.
All the changes, the tests,
the struggles to be the promises of what you made yourself to be,
a buisness person, a lawyer, a scientist who’ll fulfill
another’s foolish dream.

Chorus:
Yet through my eyes everything’s what it’s
suposed to be, what you make it to be.
The reality that life is greater than me.
That life has something in store for my dream,
for it’s real, and its beauty goes beyond you and me
cuz it’s life was given from the one above
so just smile and recognize that life is all about dreams,
and yes this preacher’s profanity is the joy that a smile
in your heart brings life in its own cuz in its all and all it is
you that gives life to me.

I remember how when I was nine it all started
happening right in front of my eyes,
didn’t know life had something in store for me,
yet I look above and pray for the hope which one day
will explode right in front of me.

And it is true that this tune might either be
about me or you, yet what matters is that
I got you to tune it.
And don’t think I forgot the promise we made
its just that life grabbed a toll of me for a little bit.
Its just that all the decissions we make
create the road that we take,
so then what happens to all the mistakes
those accidents brought in our way,
might be I dont have the answers today,
yet I know they’re not gona change
the fire behind my naked eyes.

Chorus::

I sit back and look at my parents now,
wondering why everything of what has
happened has happened so real within me,
as I look up above and ask for the grace in my heart,
cuz its all indisgrace my mind seems to see,
but even in darkness if its not their light that I see
I gotta find the light within me,
cuz I gotta learn how to forgive certain mistakes
they can’t even see.

Chorus fadesss....

Where are you my dear?...

-----((((..........))------
------((........))------
........................where in your mind did you go?

Can I reach you?.......................
..............//|\\ are you alone?
######or###################am#i#there?########################
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@why@loose@yourslef@@@@@
@@when@@@@@@.....
its only in yourself you'll find the
TRUE answers....
of ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~EVERTYHING..... ;)

there's just something about this song...
The Unforgiven

New blood joins this earth
and quikly he's subdued
through constant pain disgrace
the young boy learns their rules

with time the child draws in
this whipping boy done wrong
deprived of all his thoughts
the young man struggles on and on he's known
a vow unto his own
that never from this day
his will they'll take away

what I've felt
what I've known
never shined through in what I've shown
never be
never see
won't see what might have been

what I've felt
what I've known
never shined through in what I've shown
never free
never me
so I dub thee unforgiven

they dedicate their lives
to running all of his
he tries to please them all
this bitter man he is
throughout his life the same
he's battled constantly
this fight he cannot win
a tired man they see no longer cares
the old man then prepares
to die regretfully
that old man here is me

what I've felt
what I've known
never shined through in what I've shown
never be
never see
won't see what might have been

what I've felt
what I've known
never shined through in what I've shown
never free
never me
so I dub thee unforgiven

you labeled me
I'll label you
so I dub thee unforgiven

So I'm writting this to whoever still reads this webpage.

Latest News: I'm writing this fantastical, philosophical, autobiographical book, which I've been working on day and night, but it'll probably take some time to write it & publish it. On top of that, I'm working on some music "projects"- in guitar + diff. music programs. Just trying to mix some stuff; let my feelings out. I'm also back to drawing. Prob. also doing some sort of media like film or whatnot. I've become very involved with school as u can see.

I guess I've had such strong feelings about so many things lately. I feel like my chest is going to explode. I dont know how to keep it all in me.

I bought my folks two tickets so they can go watch Luciano Pavarotti, since its his retirement tour and they've always enjoyed his music, I got them as an anniversary/ b-day present. It's made me feel really good. Out of all my confusions that's the only thing that's made sense in these past days, although it was kind of expensive, it has left me feeling great.

I guess I'm determined in certain things in my life. But the rest of me is just a world of emotions. My own little labyrinth. I get lost in it sometimes. My intuition is all I have. It acts against my eyes, whatever I think I'm observing never seems to be there. Funny isn't it?...

What road should I take?... I guess the statue of my life will eventually take the shape I give it, with that polish dust we make out of experience.

You know what kills me? I give it my all in all I do yet I always feel a big emptyness inside. Hopes of something I guess slipped away, like everything in life slips away...into memories...into labyrinths...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4707787.stm

Check this out :).... Ahhh... Hmmm dunno why everything around me lately has been "marriage" related topics, but this is by far really cool. Not only was Spain one of my favorite places in the world, but now it is really looking appealing to move there, more than before.

So I'm in CR!!!!! Agaaainn.. I LOVE this place! It is soo realxing. I miss this sort of relaxation. Now going back to the states doing a million things, agh. I just wish I could be taking this little break along with someone I've had on my head every day since I got here- a little someone I never get tired of thinking abt.
Anyhow now I really have to concentrate when I go back to the states. I have to really push myself to keep on being my own role model. ;)...

So yea I'm just writting here cuz I haven't written anything in here for a while::::
Nicole, Tash - I haven't seen you guys in a looooong while.
I just have certain goals to meet unlike before, and unlike before I kinda miss you girls. Everytime I think of them good old days when we were not involved in our own sphere of events, and how good it all was. When being cell mates was bad still, but the tripod on the road to freedom was not that bad. :p..Guess time never comes back, but I do treasure those days a lot. Cole' the "summer of experience"...hehe. See, that right there are moments you can not forget, or regret. But things change and shit happens. I know I haven't seen you in a while but I just want you to know that that doesn't mean that I don't care and I don't luv ya' I've just been getting my shit straight and whenever you need to talk to a friend- niggeh you know where I live, you know my phone # (just DONT CALL ME FROM A WEIRD PHONE THAT I WONT PICK UP!) My old cell phone broke so I got a new one, just in case you dont know- I only have a couple of #'s stored in it. Anyhow, hope I see u soon, chill like we used to. A sober recruit. Anyhow gtg, but like always I wish you girls the best and I love ya' a lot...AND I'm here for ya' dont foreget that~

They say that women these days dont cook for their partners. Now there's two kinda partners, the kind that women cook for the kind that women don't. If your women aint cooking for you, you're not one of those people. Every woman has a cooking botton, if you go deep enough you'll hit it. .... ;)

end of 2004...

I have no idea how we’ve arrived here
its been a long road
so many beats,
so many streets.

Its like walking on thin air,
knowing you can’t brake no more,
therefore you just float
take it in
feeling it,
fullfilled for just the right ammount.

No one knows what’s gona happen,
but its all filled with hope,
cuz its all filled with the right light
and even if you dont know
its not a problem
cuz it was ment to be
just like this...

Yet we get confused,
we get scared,
we loose ourselves,
hopeless to what the future lies,
just thinking on the struggles of the past,
but it aint like that anymore
cuz its time to take a day at a time
and know what fullfills you
cuz its only in that light where your truth and purpose lies,
no reason to be scared anymore
cuz you know that the power of that light is too strong
to be stopped or shadowed upon.

It is only in the eyes of love where you find peace and hope,
... i know just how lucky i am....

...welcome 2005